


Tracks of My Tears

by nomercyhere



Series: 'Stories and Songs From His Era' Collection [6]
Category: Full House (US)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Sad Jesse, Survivor Guilt, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:35:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25099261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomercyhere/pseuds/nomercyhere
Summary: He'd come to the conclusion that it was okay to just stop and have a breakdown every once and a while.Because having a weak Jesse, was better than having no Jesse at all.(Titled after 'The Tracks of My Tears' by Smokey Robinson & The Miracles)
Relationships: Becky Donaldson Katsopolis/Jesse Katsopolis, Jesse Katsopolis & Pam Katsopolis-Tanner
Series: 'Stories and Songs From His Era' Collection [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1804927
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	Tracks of My Tears

The tears rolled down his face, one, after another, after another.

He really didn’t know what to do when things got like this. When he got like this. It was hard to see the positives, even though he knew there were so many out there.

But the only thought going through his brain was _‘Pam’_ , and the only thing he could do, the only thing he knew how to do, was to try his hardest to get it all out so it would leave him alone.

He’d tried keeping it inside. For years, he’d really tried so, so hard to never let anyone see it. To conceal it with all his might. Even the people that were closest to him, like Becky, couldn’t see it. He told himself if was best that way. They shouldn’t have to know how much he was hurting inside. Because he knew if they knew how much he was hurting, it would make them be hurting, too.

But eventually, it had gotten to a place where it was so bad, where it was so, so painful, that he’d truly felt that if he kept it inside for any longer, he would die.

And a little while back, he’d thought that maybe that was what he wanted.

Because why would Pam, Pam who had a husband, children, a family, ties deep in the hearts of everyone around her, why would Pam have to go, over him. It didn’t make any sense. It one hundred percent should have been him. And he felt it too, he wasn’t oblivious to how his living on the edge of it, never really staying in one place lifestyle had made him so much more disposable than Pam had ever been.

So when his lifestyle had started to make a three sixty, when he’d found himself settled down with first attached nieces, and then a wife, and then children of his own, he’d made the realization that there was no way, no way at all, that he’d let his family go through loosing him.

Because even though he’d never thought he’d get there, he had reached the point of becoming Pam. _He_ was now the one who was deeply rooted into everyone’s lives. He was the one who was the important element keeping them together, the glue, the thing that if broken could dissolve the family again.

So he’d decided, as weak as he knew it made him, as babyish and unnecessary as it was, it was important that he got it all out. That he just sat down and had a breakdown every once and a while.

Because having a weak Jesse, was better than having no Jesse at all.


End file.
